Polystyrene Heart
by RemedyEverrittHicks
Summary: Remedy. Activist. Quiddisexual. How will she deal in such an unaccepting, harsh environment like Hogwarts? Will her campaign to create a NEW house be recognised? Will vaccinations be outlawed?
1. A Bumpy Start

A/N: omg so like, please review but NO CHARACTER BASHING THAT TRIGGERS ME.

It is like Hogwarts now but all the characters are going to school now and the battle hasn't happened yet. 

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It was a pretty normal, but like, special morning that September 1st.

Remedy Everitt Hicks stood at her bedroom window, sipping at an almost unheard of mix of kombucha and chai tea, listening to a recording of Tibetan youths reading Communist propaganda. There was something so fulfilling about it. And no one else in Remedy's music appreciation group would have heard it yet, giving her a head start on Tumblr that day.

She put down her polystyrene cup, choking down the vile mixture and turned to close her authentic, beat up, 1930's era trunk. It had been dug out of a landfill only two weeks ago, and the smell of garbage and dirt was almost gone. Wrinkling her freckled nose, Remedy lifted their wand and flicked it, shutting the trunk on all of their eco-friendly textbooks and locally sourced school robes- made out of organic fabrics. Another year at Hogwarts was approaching.

"Remedy, it is almost time for us to get to the station!" Her mother's voice carried through their large, suburban home. It made Remedy SUPER MAD. Her mother knew that yelling triggered Remedy, so she stormed to her door and pushed the bead curtain back.

"DON'T YELL AT ME, YOU KNOW I FIND IT OFFENSIVE!" She shrieked, before throwing the beads back at each other, and going to grab one of her charity shop sweaters.

Remedy loved attending Hogwarts, but often, she found herself longing to have attended the Hogwarts of old. Back when people were REAL, when music was played on vinyls and OFFENSIVE PEOPLE weren't triggering her. Nowadays, Hogwarts was so mainstream. Like, ten kids had transferred IN last year. What try hards! It really triggered her when people transferred IN to Hogwarts. She sighed, as she pulled the sweater over her head, and began plucking out the white hairs of a cat she did not own.

Roughly an hour later, Remedy came stomping down the stairs in second hand, converse shoes with their trunk hovering dangerously behind. Her father and younger brother, Braxton, stood at the door. Her mother came out of the dining room, the perfect vision of oppressed women in her fitted jeans and chain-store sweater.

"I thought I'd pack you a sandwich for your trip-"

"Did you pack my yeast dough pizza and kale?" Remedy asked, narrowing her totally unique eyes on her mother.

"No, I-"

" _You're part of the problem._ " Remedy muttered angrily, headed for the door that her father held open. She stopped, glaring at the middle aged man who smiled down at her.

"I'M NOT HELPLESS. I CAN OPEN MY OWN DOORS. STOP TREATING ME LIKE I'M YOUR FUCKING PROPERTY!" She screeched, before stepping out of the doorway and making it down the driveway.

The family piled into their four wheel drive, which Remedy DETESTED because the CARBON FOOT PRINT IS SOOO HUGE, and headed off to Kings Cross Station to catch the Hogwarts Express.


	2. A Turbulent Train Ride

A/N: Hope you're all excited to continue following Remedy and her maaaagical journey! 

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Remedy could not shake her parents and offensive brother off any quicker.

She threw herself onto the stairs of the train, knocking down two first years and a perfectly innocent six year old, wishing his brother good bye. But Remedy knew that he would grow up to be an uncaring chauvinist, so she didn't really care.

She walked down the hallway, allowing her shoulders and swaying arms to hit anyone who came past. A few people glared at her, but she simply screamed at them for triggering her and they walked away.

She threw open a compartment door and sat down in the seat, looking out the window. She wondered when Colin Creevy would get here. He had a really cool camera, and Remedy loved it when he would take pictures of her when they pretended she wasn't looking.

"Hey, can I sit in here?"

Remedy turned her head, noticing a second year Hufflepuff girl at the door. She gave a weak smile. She glanced down to see the girl had something in her hand, and her eyes caught on something clutched in her hand.

"What's that?" She inquired, eyeing off the wrapped up food.

"Oh, it is a meat pie. My mum-"

"YOU'RE SO DISGUSTING!" Remedy shouted, tears coming to her eyes. She hated it when kids did this stupid stuff! It's like they didn't even CARE about her feelings!

"DON'T YOU KNOW THAT EATING MEAT IS ACTUALLY REALLY, REALLY BAD FOR THE ENVIRONMENT?! I BET YOU HAVE ALL YOUR UPDATED VACCINATIONS TOO, DON'T YOU!?" Remedy wept, bitterly.

Before the girl could answer, Remedy leapt up and ran flailing past her, bawling. She found another, quiet compartment, and as the train pulled out, she wept bitterly into an old men's flanelette shirt that she had her mother refashion into handkerchiefs.

After a while, her tears died down into dramatic, off hand sobs. Remedy contemplated how difficult it was to be her, and that she was not AT fault. It was merely everyone else oppressing her and not allowing her to be who she truly was. Why could they NOT see the error of their ways?

She didn't hear the compartment door slide open, and an evil, woman hating man's voice ring out.

"Are you alright, Remedy? You looked unhappy."

It was… Harry POTTER!

He was standing there, very offensively, in his Gryffindor robes and looking rather concerned. Remedy glared at him, he was probably attempting to use non-verbal penis magic on her right now.

"What do you want, Potter?" She mumbled, darkly.

"I heard- well, we all heard you crying, and I thought I would see if there was anything I could do." Harry offered, looking a little.. nervous. Remedy attributed it to the natural fear of strong women that most modern men had.

"I'm FINE." She said, rubbing her eyes and smearing her ethical make up everywhere. Not that she needed it.

"Alright, I'll go-"

"FINE, INSECURE, NEUROTIC AND EMOTIONAL!" Remedy began to bawl again. Luckily, Colin Creevy had turned up with his camera in two. He ushered Harry out, and sat across from Remedy.

"Hey, are you-"

"Colin, stop oppressing me and let me TELL you what happened!" Remedy sputtered, cutting the young boy off. The rest of the train ride was spent with Colin, frozen in fear as Remedy explained to him about all the heart breaking things that had triggered her that day, before assaulting him with questions about how he was saving the environment and treating women better.

The sun was setting when Remedy got off the train, elbowing everyone in her way. She pushed past Hagrid and jumped into the first carriage. As per usual, no one rushed to join her- making her carriage the last on the way up to the castle. She tried to ignore the poser Hufflepuff's who were TOTALLY TALKING ABOUT HER because they were jealous.

This day was definitely going on Tumblr.


	3. GlitterClaw And An Unexpected Arrival

The returning students spilled into Hogwarts, chattering and laughing as they embraced an exciting new year ahead of them.

Remedy had been happy to be back, but when she saw the vast majority of smiling faces, her own smile faded into a scowl. She wouldn't be like the rest of them. She was so much more individual than that. Besides, if she had to listen to one more person talk about all the 'fun' they had over their Summer, she was going to be triggered.

She saw the Golden Trio pass ahead. They made her so mad! They always got SO much attention! And she was sick and tired of Harry claiming he was triggered by You-Know-Who! He was such an attention seeker, when she needed it more!

Hermione was like, pretending to be a feminist, but Remedy knew better. She just wanted to enjoy the penis magic of Gryffindor! And then..

There was Ron. He was so awful, but so incredibly good looking and evil! Remedy was Quiddisexual, so she was really into Ron and anyone else who played Quidditch too. Except Harry. She wanted to date him, but she knew he was too shy to talk to her. Maybe Hermione was bewitching him!

Angry at this revelation, Remedy threw a small fit and spoke in jibberish for ten minutes. Then, she walked into the Great Hall and stomped REALLY loudly, so everyone would notice she was there.

Begrudgingly, she sat at Ravenclaw table. Her request for her own dining table last year had been denied, but that wasn't going to stop Remedy!

No. She had big plans this year.. She was going to start her own house, so she could no longer be oppressed!

"Dumbledore, I am Dumbledone.." She muttered, as she violently squelched a bit of pumpkin between her fingers.

After they had all gotten in and settled, perhaps a little bit before the first years came to be sorted, Remedy took a big breath. She stood up, then climbed on top of her seat, then ontop of the table.

"EXCUSE ME, EVERYONE!" She howled, as loudly as she could.

Teachers and students groaned, softly. Remedy ignored them. Every SMART person knows that dumb people don't want to listen to the truth.

"I HAVE A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT. I'VE DECIDED TO OVER THROW THE PATRIARCHY THAT LIVES IN HOGWARTS, AND START MY OWN HOUSE."

People stared, if only because she had bits of yeast stuck in the wisps of her hair, and a mysterious stain on her late-nineties, gaudy yellow jumper. It was a subject of much gossip, and Gryffindor were taking bets on what it was.

"It is called GlitterClaw, and it is anti-men, anti-vaccination, anti-trigger and pro-leprosychauns!" She announced haughtily, dipping the toe of her oxfords into a young man's pumpkin juice.

"Ms Hicks, if you would please descend from your House table.."

Dumbledore had quietly moved to stand at his podium, standing beside an.. exasperated looking McGonagall. Remedy felt tears sting at her very special eyes.  
 _  
How dare he speak to her like that._

"SHUT UP DUMBLEDONG!" She screamed very, very angrily.

"Miss Hicks, it will be a weeks worth of detention if you do not get down.." McGonagall started, when suddenly..

"DON'T YOU SPEAK TO HER LIKE THAT, YOU ANTI-FEMINIST!"

Remedy spun on the table, kicking a third year. At the entrance, she saw another young woman.. in an equally gaudy sweater, holes in her stockings and her hand outstretched to that evil Dumbledore. Remedy did not recognise her though.. Was she a first year, who was she?

The girl walked forward, glaring at all the guys who looked at her. Her big, lady bug patterned gumboots made a funny sound on the floor, that Remedy found exciting. She was so amazingly, talentedly unique! The girl stopped by the Ravenclaw table, and looked up at Remedy.

"I want to join your house!" Declared the girl confidently.

"My name is Sa'postraphe Reefer Nevershower, and I just transferred from Orange County!"

Remedy gasped. Her FIRST housemate!

"Welcome to GlitterClaw, Sa'postraphe.." Remedy whispered, with tears in her eyes.

She sat down, patting the very empty space in the seat next to her. The girl sat down beside Remedy, also crying.

"I'm sorry I am crying, but seeing other people I don't like talk to people I do like can trigger me." She explained sadly, while posting a selfie of herself on social media, to alert other people to her distress.

"That's okay, I get triggered by people, lampshades and anything I feel like!" Remedy said.

The doors opened, and the first years proceeded down the middle of the tables. As they were called by name, and placed under the Sorting Hat, Remedy and Sa'postrophe judged their pretentious names. Occasionally, they would agree that one of the girls might be fit to join Glitterclaw, but for now, they took comfort in each other.

And selfies. They took a lot of selfies, because they were feeling really cute that day.

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A/N: Wow! Lucky Remedy made a firend and stood up to nasty Dumbledore!


	4. First Day Back

A/N: Lol bit of a short chapter btu thats okay

positive reviews plz

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That night, Remedy and Sa'postraphe built a really, really cool blanket fort in between their beds in the Ravenclaw dormitory.

They followed each other on social media, and added one another to their family lists. They took so many selfies and got to give each other a lot of positive reassurance. It was soooo great.

"Why did you come here, Sa'postraphe?" Remedy asked, not that she really cared, but it was weird that someone had come to Hogwarts. Someone like her.

Sa'postraphe flicked her hair back, it was pink and waist length. Remedy was a little jealous, her own hair was auburn and really, really short- it only went down to her shoulder blades. But Remedy knew that American girls were MASSIVE fakers, so she felt a lot better about being the prettier one.

"I heard that like, you guys had a lot less terrible people here, and it is true. At my last school, everyone was so pretending to be like me. It was really bad! And my friends were SOOOO toxic. They kept asking me to stop kissing their boyfriends, but I can't help it if I am Everyonesexual."

Remedy nodded darkly. It was really, really hard to have self control. They said good night and went to bed in their fort.

The next morning, Sa'postraphe and Remedy skipped breakfast- because they wanted to lose weight- and slept in. Remedy got up and put on a pair of ripped jeans, a really baggy see through shirt and moccasins she found in a charity shop. Sa'postraphe was wearing yoga pants and a green shirt that said, "I Am Special".

And she felt it.

They went to their first class, which was Charms. They sat in the middle row, waiting for class to talk.

"Hey Remedy!"

Remedy glanced up, her big violet eyes searching for whoever had spoken to her. She gasped.

It was Ron Weasley!

Immediately she felt like a fountain.. In all the wrong places. She turned bright red.

"What do you want?!" She shouted, frightening Ron just slightly. He gave her a weak smile, putting his books down on the table in front of her.

"I was.. just going.. to ask how.. you were?" He squeaked a little. It was soooo attractive. But then Hermione came and sat next to him! this made Remedy sad.

"Oh yeah, I had a greaaat holiday. My mum and dad and brother oppressed me, and I got to go shopping and I even got my own Starbucks card!" Remedy said excitedly. She noticed that his forearms were on display, and it really got her going.

But Ron only nodded in response, turned and sat down. This triggered Remedy, who dropped her head on the desk. How could he hurt her like this? He had basically just told her he cared about her, and now he was ignoring her?

Sa'postraphe rubbed her back and told her it was okay, and that it was just the penis magic. All this time, Remedy kept her head down.

She didn't notice Draco Malfoy watching from a window, where he sat on a broom with his friends!

"She's the one! The Dark Lord will be so pleased to hear this! Oh, no! We're late for class!" He said, so they left and went to their class.

If it wasn't bad enough Ron had decided to stop looking at and speaking to her, Remedy felt oppressed all class. Her Charms teacher looked at her twice, and for a man of his age- it was completely inappropriate. If it wasn't for Sa'postraphe being there to be angry with her, she didn't know how she would make it through. When it got time to do their classwork, Remedy pulled out her wand. It was covered in glitter washi-tape, because she wanted to stand out a bit more.

She was SUPER surprised when Sa'postraphe pulled out a pretty lace fan!

"Where is your wand?" She dumbly asked.

"I don't have one, wands are way too mainstream and made by the patriarchy to remind us of the power of penises!" Sa'postraphe gloated. She swished her fan around and she made the goblet on her desk fill up on it's own.

"I never thought of that.." Remedy mumbled. She sure was humbled in the face of a great feminist like Sa'postraphe- who was currently chatting up Seamus, beside her.

"Don't worry, I'll teach you everything I know!" Sa'postraphe said proudly- to Seamus, before turning to nod at Remedy.

The rest of the class was breezy, and they left and went to get lunch. But all day, Remedy felt like a man-gaze was upon her... And she just couldn't shake the feeling.

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A/N: Oh no! What does Voldemort want with Remedy?! How dare Ron play her like that! isnt' she lucky to have great friends like Sa'postraphe?


End file.
